jenny bean went to samford to pick up our work schedule for october. while she was there she met vince vaughn. that’s just wrong ya’ll! wrong that she didn’t call my ass to tell me to come down with my camera and a low cut top on.

seriously, what kind of friend is she? a very greedy friend who wanted vince all to herself. what a bitch!

things that are seriously pissing me off right now:

• the roofers for my condo won’t stop leaving debris all over my deck thus making me get off my lazy ass and actually walk the dogs.
• people who have blogs that are impossible to read. if i didn’t have an astigmatism, i certainly do now
• lost…for the love of a decaying boone, quit with the flashbacks, flash forwards and the fucking flash sideways! get to the damn plot already!
• have i mentioned my ceiling? no? its ruined! including all the clothes in my closet
• the cat has learned how to open the fireplace doors and loves to play in the soot
• menstrual cycles. and you know how much i love to talk about my menstrual cycles.
• that cramp in my leg…yeah, its still there
• still not going to auburn this weekend. sigh.

i feel like i haven’t slept in days. i guess i really haven’t. i wake up every hour or so to check on kev thus depriving myself of sleep. he is doing better though. thanks to all who gave their well wishes and prayers. and thanks to jenny bean for the drugs when i was in a panic because the pharmacies were closed. thanks to erica and kenn as well.

we were supposed to go to auburn this weekend for the game and to celebrate my birthday on sunday but the cardiologist wants kev to take it easy. ah well, its not like i won’t have another birthday next year, god willing. but hey, if you guys want to take me out and get me liquored up i’ll be here.

i just spent the last five and a half hours at the emergency room with kev. he woke up with shooting pains in his back and it just progressed from there. i have mentioned kev’s mitral valve prolapse condition before but this people, scared me poopless.

after a series of blood work panels, x-rays and a cat scan (which by the way you never, ever want to have) the doctor informed us that kev has a condition called pericarditis. this condition is a swelling of the pericardium (the thin sack that protects your heart) and it is rubbing against his lungs. kev is in extreme pain and it breaks me to see him like this. i have decided to take off work so that we can take him to the cardiologist tomorrow.

i’m scared. he’s scared. i don’t want them to have to break open his chest. i don’t and can’t lose him right now. this man is my entire fucking world. please keep him in your thoughts.

• cigarettes? CHECK!
• ample supply of confections enough to send me into a diabetic coma? CHECK!
• comfy pajama pants? CHECK!
• entire season one of Lost courtesy of z-bear? CHECK!

if you need me i’ll be here glued to my television. otherwise i’ll see you suckas saturday night at rojo for an impromptu blog gathering.

i have always fallen a little behind the times. or maybe its my unadulterated hate for pop-culture. whatever. but people, have you guys seen abc’s lost? holy crap, i discovered it last night and for the love of the baby jesus i could not tear myself away from this show. the plots! the drama! the thrills! the irony that all of these plane crash victims look like they were plucked out of a j.crew ad.

even hurley, the big guy, has some on screen presence. and that guy who plays “sawyer”, the rough and tumble outlaw dude, has dimples so deep on his cheeks that you could eat soup out of them…and still have leftovers.

wanna know what hurts worse than ten hells and two dammits? biting the inside of your cheek while your eating.
wanna know what hurts even worse? when that place in your cheek is starting to heal and you bite it again.

AND nothing tastes worse than a sandwich smothered in mayonnaise now soaked in blood.

i had seven ladies in my house last night for girl’s night. the food was good and the company even better. here are a few of the highlights:

• kev walking in at 9:30 and all seven of us are looking at playboy magazine
• amanda dancing the roger rabbit, cabbage patch and running man
• in response to all of my pampered chef products: “why don’t they have pampered vagina?”
• “its probably not good manners to scream obsenities from your car when church is letting out”
• “if anyone needs me i’ll be next to the guacamole”
• “i guess she just really wanted to tell me that her dad poots alot”
• in response to anita’s broken oven: “have you kicked it yet? before calling a repairman you may just want to kick it. that usually works.”
• “what is with her pubic bone? i mean, it’s fucking huge!”
• “who is going to eat kelly’s pie tonight?”
• “how much do you want to bet she left a wet spot on that sheet?”

it was nice to just hang out with the girls (something i rarely ever do). and i am looking forward to next week when we cram the same seven plus a few more in jenny bean’s miniscule apartment.

tuesday nights have just become my favorite television nights. after cleaning the house and more grocery shopping for Girls’ Night, kev and i parked ourselves in front of the boob tube for the following:

• My Name Is Earl - this show is hilarious. nevermind the fact that it has jason lee as the star. he will always inhabit my favorite kevin smith character: brodie bruce
• The Office - ’spoldey actually reminds me of the character dwight shrute except less inclined to kiss ass but all the more comedic if he actually did. plus steve carrell just makes me laugh out loud.

due to timing conflicts i DVR’ed the following:

• Law and Order: SVU
• House
• Bones

sorry hemisphere and batonga…no boys allowed.