sidewalk is upon us once again! and this year my adorable and uber-talented husband and his dead pan, curly headed best friend have a short in the game.

if you get a chance to go this year check out the alabama shorts. give kenn over at visionsound a big thumbs up and a “break a leg!”

i’m very proud of you guys!

*all names are changed to protect the innocent and crabby.

a fellow blogger friend of mine, bobo the monkey boy, was out friday night volunteering at a local event. bobo was working the door i presume when another fellow blogger walked up with a friend of hers. this fellow blogger who i will not name but affectionately call “who gives a fuck” (wgaf) all but ignored bobo, much to bobo’s surprise. when he tried to jog wgaf’s memory by saying his blog name she shushed him and said, “i don’t want everyone to know!”

i can understand wanting to have some sort of anonymity when it comes to this blog business. trust me, been there, done that, got the tshirt, sold the tshirt to the hannah home. but when you are so closed mouth about it that you cannot be decent in civilized conversation then i have to draw the line.

i am dog tired and i really have no reason to be. maybe that says something about me…i’m just not sure what. i got up around 7 a.m. and begged kev to go and get us breakfast from mickey sleaze. when he came back we ate breakfast in bed, watched MST 3000 and then fell back asleep until aroudn 10:30. lazy old farts. we then decided to go to on tap to watch the alabama game. batonga joined us and lucky for me they had the auburn game on so i was quite a happy girl. auburn closed it out at 63 - 3. here is the conversation during the game:

me: this is sad. is auburn playing a high school team?
batonga: i think they’ve decided to pull the secretarial pool in to play.
kev: nah, they’ve rounded up the entire special education students to play. they don’t even know where they are and they are still kicking ball state’s ass.

go auburn!

kev went to art on the rocks with kenn and ej last night leaving me at home to catch up on some much needed sleep.

i did buy a new day planner from franklin-covey and the box set of harry potter books. then i spent the remainder of the evening watching MST 3000 and went to bed.

since auburn is on pay-per-view we will watch the alabama game at on tap or the arena. so in short, not much going on this weekend. and that is how i like it.

by the way: we are getting a new bedroom suit and need to get rid of one of our couches so if anyone is interested let me know. it is a nice hunter green with a damask pattern. according to kev’s mom, it was very expensive when she bought it so the quality is top notch. i have enjoyed this couch very much but we just don’t have the room for it. kev and i haven’t decided on a price to sell it for but if you are a blogger friend i would consider a huge discount.

want to know what a gaggle of women talk about when they get together? football, pets, cockroaches, alcohol, gambling and blow jobs.

and pie. lots of yummy, yummy pie.

this week has been good compared to the absolute shittiness of this past weekend. i finally got to talk to my mom and i feel like 100,000 percent better. i’m such a momma’s girl. my course of action in life is still a bit unclear but i agree with my mom in that i set goals for myself that are truly unrealistic. just because i’m married does not mean i have to conform to the world’s idea of marriage in that i HAVE TO have a house and i HAVE TO have a kid. also, my employment debauchle as of late has certainly strained my mental health.

i still cannot divulge the goings on of this past weekend but i will summarize it for you: i had a complete nervous fucking breakdown complete with sobbing and vomiting. quite a combination if you ask me. do you know how hard it is to vomit in between sobs? well, its hard.

so, things are a little better now. if not for the loving compassion of some truly extraordinary friends and family i probably would have had to check myself into brice. although i would have looked damn sexy in a straight jacket.

this weekend has been the worst and the best ever. the worst because of reasons i shall not divulge until the proper time and when i have figured out what the hell is going on. the best because i realized who my real friends are. so i’d like to thank the following:
kev - for being the most understanding, loving force in my life.
’splodey - for listening to me cry for hours on end and telling me not what i wanted to hear, but what i needed to hear.
damon - for playing silly blues songs on your guitar just to get me to smile and for making an awesome ham and cheese au gratin casserole.
jenny bean - for waking up at 5 in the morning when i scared and shaking and for cheering me up with auburn football.
the auburn tigers football team - thanks guys. we needed that.
erika & kenn - keeping my better half in one piece.
ben - for dancing with me at the crappiest dive in town and listening to a crazy girl talk.

i love all of you in more ways than you know. i can’t promise what will happen in the near future but i know with people like you on my side i can get through anything.

the roof is on fire. we don’t need no water, let the motherfucker burn!

as kev and i were coming home from date night at the movies and we smell this awful burning smell. i look at kevin and say “dude, if you farted i’m kicking you out of the car.” apparently an apartment complex was on fire in homewood. so we drive pass it and we’re on our way to drop off some movies that we rented in mountain brook when we see like forty bazillion firetrucks at the wendy’s. wendy’s had an electrical fire and the whole damn thing went up in smoke like a cheech and chong movie.

so yeah, homewood is burning down ya’ll. pass the bottle.

my oldest sister, karen was visiting my dad’s friend in colorado. apparently he was feeding her martini’s and commented to my dad on how she out of all my family is ” the only one in the family that has the dignity and good taste and civility to enjoy a good martini”. my dad sent this reply to him:

That gin thing must be on her mother’s side of the family.

The Statham’s and O’Hanlon’s are simple but ugly people who are strictly beer, rye, vodka, wine, schnapps, Irish Whiskey, expensive scotch, grain alcohol, Krylon spray paint kind of folks.

and you wonder where i get my comic genius.

in an email i just sent to ’splodey in reference to the girl he has been seeing:

so whose computer are you using to get all your emails and chat incessantly? did you get a chance to go out with the beckster? i like calling her that. makes me think of a hamster, but not in the richard gere kind of way. much in the way of “aww look! it’s a little furry rodent that i can feed peanuts to and put in my barbie car so it looks like he is driving!”. sadly, i actually did that to my hamster…she hung herself a week later using a piece of dental floss and her exercise wheel. it was really ugly and i don’t like talking about it!

gold, i tell you! pure fucking gold!