i’m tired of bitching about how i can’t get into my new house like right now. gawd! and i’m pretty sure you guys are just as tired of hearing me bitch. so in honor of not bitching today and actually smiling like i mean it i give you THE LIST OF NOT BITCHING BUT ACTUALLY JUST PONDERING STUFF SO QUIT YELLING AT ME:

  • these dreams - i had the weirdest dream last night about my friend justin who i haven’t spoken to in ages (so, yeah, justin - that is a hint to call me you asshat!). it wasn’t a naughty dream. it was more of a “hey, why is he in here? hey you! guy that got married in Thailand and didn’t bother to tell me: instead of haunting my subconscious why don’t you pick up the phone. fucker.”
  • georgification - the hottest bartender in birmingham (and probably the planet) is opening his own bar. the girls and i went to the millgrill for dinner last night and george informed me of his intention of opening a bar called speakeasy in march. this will be the perfect opportunity to drool all over myself at the hunkytatoopiercing goodness that is george. yum.
  • note to self - the story about biting that stripper’s boob always kills.
  • questionable commentary - recently a new commenter has popped up (hee hee i actually typed “pooped up”. i should have left it that way) on pretty helmet and it is driving me mad as to who it is. hey!, mystery commenter with the name jeebus somethingorrather, who the hell are you? send me an email! maybe we could become BFF.
  • i miss you but you still suck - do you remember when i wrote about how i was cleaning out all the unnecessary people in my life? yeah well, even though some of those people truly suck i miss one or two of them. if you are one of those people and you read this and you want to try and be all BFF again (do you see what i have been reduced to? using BFF twice in the same post like i’m a crazy middle schooler writing to river phoenix after seeing his gorgeous picture in Tiger Beat) send me an email or call me…if i don’t respond you will know that i still have your name in my slam book.
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  • i find reasons to drink - thankfully it hasn’t come down to “today ends in ‘y’ pass the vodka!” but i do love to have parties at my place. oh, and i love going to someone else’s house, play poker, drink mad quantities of wine and shoot bottle rockets.
  • that ain’t right! - no country song should include the word badonkadonk. and i should never ever please kill me if i do it again stop on CMT.