conversation i had this morning with bob the elevator repairman:

me: you had better not come in here without a gun.
bob: why?
me: because, after the morning i’ve had i’d really like to put myself out of my misery. or i might just fling myself out of the window.
bob: that’s not nice.
me: you’re right. shooting myself in the head would be faster.

reasons why i want to fling myself out of my 18th story window:

• i haven’t had a good poop in days. its like my colon has staged a coup and is holding hostage every solid food i eat.
• my boss thinks i’m stupid. it’s probably because my concentration is on when i will poop.
• it is raining outside which means my hair is enormous. i think it might take over a small country soon.
• grace, kev’s cat has to stay overnight at the vet. normally, any excuse to reduce our number of pets is a good one but she is pretty sick with a UTI. a telethon to raise money for the vet bill might not be far behind.
• do you know what mice love? crackers. do you know what mice love more than crackers? pooping all over your crackers. and your oatmeal. and in your cabinets.

this weekend was a lesson in how to to consume alcohol in large quantities and not feel like utter shit the next morning. friday night i went out with derek, damon and geener to the plaza to see Vesper. i took along my digital and my action sampler lomo to get in some test shots. i won’t have the lomo pictures until this week but here are a few of the digitals i took

saturday night kev, ej, derek, zach and i went to the nick to see james hall. i was so exhausted from the night before that i took an aderol to perk me up. it did and it was great. i went until 3 a.m. without falling asleep in the corner.

so i just got my ten year reunion invitation via email today from my grade school/high school friend, kara. hi kara! this invitation sent me to a trashy little link that was apparently made by someone who has little if no html experience. it is a disaster! the pictures are horrid, the coding is all wrong, it looks like my two year old cousins got really hip and decided to throw a webpage together. and to boot, the “itinerary” is a schedule for people who thouroughly enjoy cow tipping. please witness:

MEET AND GREET
7:00 pm – 9:00 pm……………………………………Registration
7:30 pm – 9:00 pm……………………………………*Meet and Greet*/Buffet
Golden Corral Restaurant – Center Point (Dinner on your own)

CLASS REUNION PICNIC & BANQUET
10:00 am – 2:00 pm………………………………………Picnic
10:00 am – 11:00 am………………………………………Late Registration
Bradford Park

8:00 pm – Midnight……………………………………..Reunion Banquet
Attire – Semi Formal

here are the first thoughts i had when i read this:
“holy shit! golden corral?! you guys are really going whole hog for this aren’t you?”
“we’re going to meet at the park where most date rapes in high school took place. how classy.”
“i think i might round up my five closest guy friends and say i am a polygamist.”
“i wonder how much trouble i would get into if i punched beth king in the face.”
“i wonder how much trouble i would get into if i got really drunk and passed out under the soft serve ice cream machine at golden corral?”
“i wonder if ruben studdard will be there.”
“i hope he is so i can tell him how he makes my inner black girl shake her booty.”
“it would be pretty fucking hilarious if i showed up to the picnic in semi-formal attire.”

i’m one of those people that if i think hard enough on someone they usually appear. even if i haven’t seen them in years it is inevitable that they will show up. such was the case this weekend. on sunday i went to meet a friend for coffee and to take some pictures. as i was ordering my tall house blend at the evil yet super yummy starbucks in walks this tall red headed man with a stride unmatched. i immediately bellow out a “holy fuck!” and he smiles. we embrace like old friends do and i whisper “where have you been?”. it was adam, my high school sweetheart. he had changed as the years will do to you but he still kept the same arrogance and self-assuredness that i always loved about him. we chatted for a moment and he introduced me to his girlfriend. we parted promising to call each other. just a week earlier i was thinking about what he was doing, if he was well, if he was alive, if i should call his mom to get his number.

this weekend has been a monumental one in the “yeah, we’re both shitheads but we were about three beers from killing each other” department. a friend and i had it out and even though things will never be equal i feel that we respect each other a lot more. sometimes you have to shit on your friends to gain a little perspective.

everyone is invited. and yes, i do mean everyone. if you would like to come send me an email and i will give you directions.

thanks to ashley from ashley little designs who bailed me out with this beautiful invitation.
thanks ashley!
i’ll stop stalking you now.

i was cleaning out my digital camera this morning and thought i’d share some of my favorites that i uploades to flickr. of course you can always go over to my daily zeitgeist to see all of them.
please click on the thumbnail for a larger image.

Brokeback Birmingham
kev and kenn at G’s for EJ’s birthday

So Innocent
john and kelly

Keep The Homeless Fires Burning
taken at the corner of 14th and 4th near the Merita Bread factory

Nice Peace of Ass
Scarlet’s bootie

Self Portrait
taken the day before we moved out - notice the happiness

Sun Sleeper
Molly Cate lying in her bed at the new house

conversation heard while folding laundry last night:

me: here is a pair of your boxers.

kev: you thief!

me: you caught me…i just wanted to utilize the little hole in the front. and i emphasize little. (giggles maniacally)

kev: (scoffs) that’s it! i’m cutting you off from sex.

i deleted the last post because i’m tired of talking about myself and would rather talk about myself more. plus, sarah has the inane desire to hear how moving into my new house went. quite well, thank you for asking. as i have stated earlier we are all moved in and unpacked…not an easy task to complete in three days especially when you realize how much crap you accumulate in four years. several times during the weekend i asked kev “how in the hell did we get all this shit and not breakup with the friends who gave it to us?”.

somewhere around sunday after visiting home depot, target, bed bath & beyond, pf chang’s and various other ohineedoneofthosethingsforthenewhouse stops our credit card decided to stage a coup de grace in the middle of a transaction leaving us standing there going “this is bullshit! we have more than enough money to pay for a throw pillow!”. i was not going to accept that my credit card was to get the best of me so i whipped out my checkbook and said “AHA! TAKE THAT DEMON DEBIT CARD!”. then the checkout lady asked me to stop yelling.

apparently they frown on frightening small children in the produce aisle.

hi elizabeth!

hi innernets!

how are you today?

sore. very, very sore. need pain killers stat!

oh yeah, didn’t you move or something?

sure did. it took us all day thursday, friday and saturday to get everything completely moved and unpacked. not too shabby if i say so myslelf.

you just did.

what?

you just said so yourself.

oh.

so, when can we expect some pictures of this new and improved, uber fancy house?

soon. i want to get everything situated first, i.e. paintings hung, bathroom walls painted, me not lying in a blob on the floor screaming with pain.

you know, you sure do complain alot. i’m getting kind of tired of it.

oh yeah! well then why do you come here day after day if not to hear my continuous moaning of laziness? there is only so much i can get away with until i resort to telling you all about my menstrual cycle and how awesomely cute my dogs are. i’m not that deep of a person.

surely you have some opinions or thoughts of the world around you. why not write about that?

because i don’t even like to read other people’s opinions of the “world” and “politics” and “general hubbub”. i want gossip, and lots of it! i want to know what so and so did at that party last weekend and who got so shit faced at a bar that they ended up making out with the door guy, or how your social terrorism is keeping you inches from being thrown in jail.

whatever. you’re just not channeling your talent. so, is there anything you’d like to share with me today?

like what?

like a secret you don’t want anyone to know about?

not really. i don’t keep secrets from you innernets. you’re my bff.

come on. i know for a fact you bought a book this weekend that will ultimately change our relationship.

fine! you caught me. i bought “How To Crash The Entire Innernets In 1200 Steps”. though you know how lazy i am i probably will get through step three and be all: have these people not heard of Cliff Notes?

you’re dodging the question with shitty humor again.

thanks, i heart you too.

just spill it sister!

patience my good innernets. patience.

alright, so this weekend i bought two books: Cash: The Autobiography and What To Expect When You’re Expecting. now don’t get all in a tizzy. let’s get one thing straight, NO I AM NOT. but we’re planning. this is what i do when i want something…i research it to death. i’ll probably buy 80 more books before i even go off the pill. but it is a nice thought.

you can’t have a baby! we don’t spend enough time together as it is!! you will neglect me and pay all your attention to a fleshy, pink, whiny mass of oxygen. hrmmm, never mind, that is right up your alley.