i got new glasses, wheee! ::barf:: and because the prescription is actually correct it is very strong which leaves me feeling all drunk like and nauseous. but hey, i sure do look rad.
right now i am choosing not to show you how awesomely awesome they are because at this very moment i’m still a tad bit green and woozy and frankly i’d rather not dribble vomit on my camera. huge and ginormous hugs to elaina at ECA for hookin’ a sista up!

in other pretty helmet news friday is st. patty’s day and what will the pretty helmet family be doing you ask. drinking of course! stuart mcnair who is almost as awesomely awesome as my glasses will be performing at bailey’s pub. stuart rocks my superman undies! so come have a drink (or twelve) with us.

friday night i went out with derek and my new friend tara (hey tara!). tara is a cool chick i met through myspace. she is from ohio, wants to get a greyhound, loves graphic design, and is just a sweet kid. i think i thoroughly freaked her out though by having her meet derek and i at the plaza. its just not one of those “first impression” bars. it takes atleast four or five visits and a bottle of febreeze to get used to the place.

at some point i ended up in the bathroom sitting on the potty, doing what i do, and i started snapping pictures of the random grafitti.

and out of all the inane, riduculous shit people write on bathroom walls this has always been my favorite:

and what plaza experience would be complete without the random child molester looking guy? seriously, this guy looks like he owns a van with no windows.

also, no night at the plaza would be complete without gratuitous staring at derek’s package.

i took some pictures at lunch today because i was bored and i had fresh batteries. for your viewing pleasure.

thank god its the day before i blow this place up!
reasons why today sucks ass:

• my glasses probably won’t come in until monday which means my coolness factor is waning
• someone shit on the side of our building and used one of the marble columns as toilet paper
• it is so beautiful outside i could cry
• something bit my finger and now there is this nasty pustule thing that itches
• my laziness is starting to creep into my photography

so there. what do you think?
in other news, i think i found a cure for cancer. but, it is outside where i am not allowed.

my glasses are in dire need of repair. i cannot tell you how many times i have stepped on them, the dog has chewed them, i’ve been punched in the face thus sending them flying across a crowded bar or have lost them only to find them sitting in between the paws of a cat who like really shiny things. because of all reasons i went on a mission to find the coolest pair of eye glasses evah!

yesterday i went to vic’s employ because she is the eye glasses queen. seriously, have you guys seen her glasses? no? well take my word for it, they’re cool. while browsing the limited selection that her company has i came upon my first celebrity moment and oh my gawd i was so giddy. apparently one of vic’s co-workers is an avid reader of yours truly and introduced herself. she admitted that she was more excited about meeting me than she was Rick Journey from Fox 6 News. oh my jesus on a stick! she also said that she is often disappointed when i don’t have anything new posted but i explained to her that it is hard being witty and charming and delectably adorable all the time. i mean, COME ON! she was so cool though and i just wanted to put her in my pocket and take her home so she could tell me all the time how funny and awesome i am.

when i got home i told kev about my “fan” and how awesome it was that someone other than family and other birmingham bloggers were reading my oh so exciting life. he just looked at me and laughed. thanks fucker. he’s just mad because he’ll never get to sleep with a celebrity again.

because i am in no mood to actually think of something witty to entertain you assholes with, here is a poorly written recount of my weekend:
played sims 2, slept a lot, took molly cate to the vet, laughed at molly cate and her new “shoe”, had sweet black tea at starbucks, had mimosas at the mill, laughed at a little boy with food all over his face, made huey lewis jokes, made damon jokes, cut ’splodey’s exploding afro, berated him for washing his hair with Irish Spring soap, played pool, explained Oregon Trail to a redneck, realized that my cats ate all of my tampons, took three baths in one day, wished for death or vicodin, slept some more, watched the oscars, woke up monday morning and started all over again.

i am sick. deathly sick. so sick that it has occurred to me on more than one occassion to invest in a grave plot and a nice pine box. it all started monday morning when i woke up feeling like i had been pummeled by a large, evil robot with small sedans for fists. luckily i saw no bruises to confirm this, just the aching in my body so, i called into work and explained that i was going to take it easy.
tuesday morning rolls around and not only did the evil, sedan wielding robot do his nastiest again i felt so dizzy i could barely stand. turning my head caused the entire room to spin like i had been on a drunken bender the night before. again, i called into work.
wednesday reared its ugly head and i had enough strength to drag my ass into the shower and go to work. here is a lesson to all you people: going to work, even if you think you are well enough=near passing out onto the photocopier thus sending you home.
thursday was a little better. i actually slept the entire day a la kenn, only waking up at 11:00 a.m. to eat a sandwich. kev came home around that time to take care of me. awwww. blech!
here it is friday, i still feel like death warmed over and all i want to do is crawl into my bed and wallow in my nyquil induced haze. speaking of which, nyquil dreams are awesome. last night i dreamt i had a beautiful baby boy and i offered him up as payment for a World of Wheels ticket.

if i was to summarize last week as a whole i would say: ludicrous. the entire week was slow and crappy only because i was so excited about hosting my house warming on saturday. and i suck at anticipation. i’ll build up something in my head only for it to come to fruition and it bites.

this past saturday was the exception. i think at one point there were 30 people in my house at once. it was so magnificent. we even received some nice house warming gifts from jennybean and flip, dmoney, jeremy and kelly and ashley and john. so thanks! also, huge enormous thanks to all those who left alcohol in my house, either on purpose or by accident. now kev and i can take bubble baths in our ocean deep bathtub and get all liquored up.

granted there were some moments that were truly unforgettable and some that i will have no idea what you’re talking about if you ask me, but these were my favorite moments:

• zach going home in a woman’s coat
• a very close friend telling another close friend “it will only hurt for a minute”
• wesley peeing off the back deck
• michael shelton’s hilarious story of sam’s party: toothbrushes and dog’s butts

don’t worry, there will be more parties in the near future.