i am just going to sit here and write until one of two things happens: 1. 5:00 p.m. gets here and i burst through my office door like the last day of school or 2. my boss comes back and i look up (actually down because she is a tiny pocket person) at her with these big, sad puppy dog eyes and whine about how my tummy hurts and can i pwease, pwease wid shuger on towp go home? also, about 45 minutes ago i started my period which is just fucking hunky dory because guess who is wearing white linen pants. so there you have it. the perfect end to the shittiest day.
in every office building there is the one crazy lady who everyone loves to talk about. you know the lady i am referring to…she’s the one who at 8:32 a.m. while flying into the office with her hair in a fright and coffee stains on her polyester weave pant suit she decides to tell you how her cat got out this morning and she had to spend half an hour at the base of a tree coaxing the little fucker down like a building jumper. and frankly, you don’t give a shit. in fact you look at her and say “you know, i really hate cats” which sends her into a diatribe about how cats are like, the best animal on the planet and her female cat just had a litter of kittens and she might bring one to you. or maybe the same crazy lady calls you on the phone and tells you how piss poor your staff is and she begins to sob and complain about how she hates her job.
yeah. i hate those women.
oh, and blair in accounting, if i have to hear about your new boss coming into town one more time i might just throw you out a window. and then feed you to those kittens.

sarah went all nutty and tagged me with this meme. damn you! so here it is: six things you didn’t know about me and now really wish you didn’t know:

1. i have an odd obsession with my toes. i don’t like my feet rubbed but i sure do like have my toes picked at
2. i am in counseling because i am a nut. seriously, i’m about as crazy as a rat in a shit house. i’m not as psycho as say kenn, but i have my moments.
3. i am extremely adept at holding grudges.
4. when i was in high school (which i lovingly call “the formative years in which i went through twelve different personalities in a four year time period”) i wanted to be a writer so badly it hurt. i attended four Writing Today conferences at Birmingham Southern and met the likes of Gwendolyn Brooks and Ray Bradbury. i was even the president of my high school’s AP creative writing club. i was to become the next Sylvia Plath minus the sticking your head in the oven bit. sadly, after all of this and attending college to become an english teacher i haven’t touched a pen to paper in a creative way since 2004.
5. i am deathly allergic to wasps, bees, yellow jackets, hornet, etc.
6. sometimes when i am in my car i turn my stereo up really loud and pretend i am in a really cool movie montage

if you want to know more about me you can head on over to The Crazy 88 on the left.

i’m in mourning right now. mourning the loss of my best friend who i invariably gave up to save my marriage. this was my decision but i still feel kind of lost from the lack of his witty comebacks and making me feel like a scurrying sorority girl. but this is for the best. this will give me the chance to get a handle on what has been missing in my marriage that i have been desperately clammering for with others.

kev and i will not be going to nashvegas this weekend for several reasons: 1. this week has been a lesson in deadlines and exhaustion, 2. the weather will be all sorts of gross up there, 3. i’d rather spend money on funny movies, chilly cheese fries and new clothes. still, we will not be answering any phone calls, letters, smoke signals, etc. this will be a weekend with just he and i.

kev and i are going to nashville this weekend to get some well deserved r & r. no friends, no family, no crazy phone calls at 3 a.m. asking “what the fuck are you doing in bed?!” just me, kev and the pups. so far i am planning on hitting the beer sellar, nashville show press (thanks derek!), buffalo billiards, and possibly windows on cumberland. also, nashville has one of the best modern art museums in the south so if we’re not nursing hangovers a trip might be in store.
the ultimate reason for this trip is so kev and i can gain some perspective. marriage is hard and no one tells you how hard it is until you wake up one morning saying “holy shit! i’m married”. lately our union has been one of convenience, snide remarks and lots and lots of crying. somewhere in the year and a half we have been married we’ve lost the reason why we tied the knot to begin with. hopefully, getting out of birmingham will point us in the right direction.

this weekend was chock full of beer, bloggers, chunky strippers, arguing, crying, holding, and kissing. that is the short story. now, here is the long:
friday night i met up with HD, batonga, sarahetc., and a few of her friends at bailey’s to celebrate sarah’s new job. we played pool, flirted with bill the physicist and quoted lines from nerdy films. as the neo-hippie crowd began to make their way in we exited down to the plaza. at one point a very toothless guy asked me what it would take to get me to go out with him and though i fought back the urge to say “good dental hygiene” i had to be a bit rude and say “you taking a bath in lye”. ’splodey and i were due to attend a birthday party so we high-tailed it out of there and went to see the awesomest stripper i have ever encountered. this girl was a little on the chunky side but had breasts of steel. ’splodey gave her a dollar to give me a lapdance and i just hung my head in shame the entire time.
saturday morning kev and i spent the day in bed watching movies and eating burger king. it was a pleasant, laid back kind of day. sunday was not much different. i went to my family’s for lunch and hid easter eggs for the boys, caught a lizard and then went home.
a lot more happened this weekend but i am too tired to share. maybe once i get myself in order i will tell you all about it.

i have been put on a mission by ’splodey. a mission of epic proportions. a mission that will define my musical tastes and who i am and have been since i began to understand the concept of pitch and an effective three chord riff. my mission is this: come up with talent that would fill a 2500 seat side stage ampitheater and that will accept a $10k play fee less production costs.
i know who i would like to see play but that doesn’t mean it would happen. i was running through my mental rolodex of who would fit the criteria, who wouldn’t, who was still playing, who had gone solo, etc. i think i gave ’splodey some good ideas but we will see if they come to fruition.
these are the bands that i am currently listening to and would gladly sell my soul to see (note: some have disbanded):

okay, okay, so the one is a comedian but if you’ve heard the pterodactyl version of Old MacDonald you will know how absolutely hilarious she is.

alert the media! call your friends! start a chain mail! Hide and Creep is going prime time!
on thursday, may 11th at 7:00 p.m. on the SciFi channel Hide and Creep will premier. i can’t even begin to tell you how ecstatic, proud, freaking out i am. after all of the work that Chance, Chuck and Stacey poured into this little indie horror film they are getting the chance to know what most independent directors will never experience: syndication.
i’m not sure how much they will show on television because frankly there is quite a bit of nudity, but that is not the point. three birmingham natives are making their mark on the galactic empire that is nationwide telecommunication.
congratulations to you three! congrats to eric mcginty who will have his most wonderful music showcased, to robb rugan who shot my scene, to kenn and his boom talent, to jen-the only girl i would do a lap dance with, to all of the cast and crew who made the movie what it is, especially michael shelton, melissa bush, kyle holman, chris hartsell (i voted for you!), chris garrison, and jim roberson. i am so proud of all of you and am lucky to know you!

for those of you who love lists as much as i do i bring you what i am dubbing the “friday fourteen”:

• my nana is doing so much better! thanks for all of those who wished her well!
• the weather is supposed to get really nasty today
• i love storms but i hate it when mollycate freaks out during them
• jesus is in jail: media coverage at 11
• i may be petite but i-i bring the heat
• happy birthday to my sisters karen and donna
• happy birthday to darcia la rosa
• my dad gives the best birthday present ever: liquor
• i have so much work to do i don’t even know where to start
• i am just now getting around to watching star wars episode ii
• please do not judge my nerdiness on that fact
• i love it when i hug kev when he gets out of the shower because i have his smell on me the rest of the day
• i have lost interest in several blogs that i used to read on a daily basis. the reasons are as follows: mommyblogging and sexblogging. i have nothing against mommyblogging because frankly, it is keeping me from popping out a litter but the sexblogging is kind of icky. especially when you talk about “jizzing in your wife’s face”. sorry, i just don’t want to read that.
• i had a dream last night about a summer boyfriend i had once. his name was jeremy and he wore a trenchcoat in july. in real life, not in the dream. in the dream he was riding a miniature horse and singing “desperado”.

i have accepted the fact that i am flirtatious. i have even accepted that i have been, on occassion, a heartbreaker. what i am not, though, is a homewrecker. this past weekend i, along with zach, met two guys named mitch and lee. we all hung out, had a few drinks, a few laughs, etc. etc. blah blah and ended up at the plaza. lee decided to take mitch home and get something to eat and then meet us back out. i told him to give me his number so if we decided to take off he wouldn’t have to come back. very innocent.
sunday morning i get a phone message from lee’s wife asking why my phone number was in his cell phone and that i need to back off of her husband and get my own life. i politely explained to her answering machine that a. i did in fact meet her husband out, and b. i am married myself and would not jeapordize my own marriage for a complete stranger let alone her shitty husband.
she and i ended up speaking again where she told me that her husband does this often and she wasn’t mad at me but she wanted to get the story straight before she hauled his ass on the jerry springer show.
you go girl!