this is rather graphic and might offend anyone who has a penis, has never been to an ob/gyn or has never seen a vagina up close (i’m talking about you ben!).

yesterday was my favorite (read: totally not my favorite, but rather the most dreaded) day of the year. the day that i get to have some perfect stranger poking around my hoo-hah. because of the the god awful cramping i experience each month i was actually looking forward to this visit because it might a. bring a plethora of drugs my way, or b. find that i have a radioactiove scorpion attached to my ovary that likes to pinch and sting. after discussing my problem to the doctor she took me to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound.
Radar Gun For Your Hoo Hah

after 5 minutes of having the technician probing me i sit up on my elbows to see her over the sheet and tell her:
“i really feel like a joystick. should i be making noises from space invaders?”