i don’t know if you are aware, but i am white. not just white but blindingly white. irradescent even. i couldn’t tell you the last time that i actually had a real tan. well, yes i can…it was 2000 and it was a leftover from an extreme case of sun posioning complete with 102 degree fever and chills and not wanting to be touched or even looked at for fear that my entire body would ignite.

i am probably as vain as the next person hence the bathing and drying my hair and actually putting what i constitute as make-up on my face. i however, am not so vain that i deem tanning beds as a neccessity in my life. my family is just a gene away from being covered in melanoma. we’re irish and pasty and damn proud of it! also, i tried a tanning bed before and frankly it smells something akin to rotting dog ass. i don’t care how many times you spray those beds down with disinfectant you’re still lying in someone else’s burned flesh.

this week i began using jergen’s natural glow moisturizer. normally, i am not one to moisturize anything but my hands and face, the rest of my body can just suck it. but, a friend of mine recommended this product and i actually saw first hand that it won’t turn you into an oompaloompa. i’ve totally been there too.

the natural glow works by slowly adding color to your skin without making you smell like hair permanent or looking like Nemo. or so they claim. the bottle states that it might take a couple of weeks to reach the desired shade. yeah, we’ll see how it goes.