very few things make me cry. dogs being abused, lions reuntied with their handlers, kittens in baskets are among those that do. and death cab for cutie. most of you have heard of them by now since the release and mainstream radio play of Plans. but whilst lying in bed the other night a documentary came on telelvision named Drive Well, Sleep Carefully. that is all the description gave. because i was quite bored with the constant showing of girls gone wild: schenectady i decided to tune in. little did i know that this documentary featured death cab’s most recent tour of the US. i fell back in love with the band all over again. seeing ben gibbard sing “styrofoam plates” sent chills up my spine. maybe it was the fact that my week was pure shit, or maybe it was the cramps making my body ache, but i felt sadness. i felt that i had just lost someone or something that i would never get back and a small tear rolled down my cheek. even now and i write this i feel a bit reserved and tiny. such is this world. in all the times that i’m loud and boisterous and domineering, inside sits a small girl who is unsure of herself. there are so many things that skew what i used to enjoy. i used to love to watch thunderstorms come in, but now, because mollycate is terrified of loud noises, i am annoyed by them. my stomach knots when i hear that first roll of thunder for i know she will begin to bark incestantly and i will plead with her to lie down. i’ve become a creature of habit now and that is alright with me. songs from photo album used to depress me, and now they empower me. “wow, i remember how that felt” and “yes, that is the sound of settling, and it is all okay. settling isn’t as easy as it sounds”.
there are times i wish that i was what i thought i would be at nearly 29 but being who i am at 29 is not so scary. there are great things i am looking forward to. making this life was hard and arduous. i might not be as verbose as some of those around me, but i take solace that i am remaining true to myself.