at the suggestion of a couple of my more photographically inclined pals i bought a mountable flash for GEORGE, my nikon d50. it was on sale and i was desperate to have a photo come out looking like i hadn’t taken a pee into the lens of my camera. i used it for the first time at darcy’s 6th annual halloween gala and was amazed at its abilities. tonight was hose-the-stench-off-the-animals night and therefore the perfect opportunity to annoy the shit out of my pets by flashing a very bright light in their face. witness:

lira looks for an escape from the evil porcelain water torture device. also known as the bathtub.

oh the humanity! behold, the dirt!

her royal bitchiness, grace. this is kevin’s cat and she is very elusive. you can usually find her in the closet smelling our shoes like some sort of feline retifist.

baron brock von squishee. a tad out of focus because the little asshat would move the second the shutter clicked.

cooper’s birthday was yesterday. we celebrated by tossing her in the tub and making her smell like apples and cinnamon. we’re sucky parents.

when i was 18 i made a life plan. most of it was a lot of gibberish about becoming some famous writer who lived in in a walk-up in downtown and made snide remarks about mountain brook women. i mean, who is an easier target than women who spend their entire day shopping the pottery barn catalog for furniture for their mudroom? the more attainable goals on my list were marry a man who adores me and laughs at my snide remarks regardless of how distasteful they may be, live in a historic home, and have my first child by the age of 30. i am two for three.

recently kevin and i have begun trying to expand our little family. we both have careers (albeit not as a writer as you can tell from this grammatical nightmare i call a blog) that we are settled in to. last december we purchased our dream home; a quaint 1930’s Craftsman Bungalow. now, a few months shy of our 3 year anniversary we have decided to add a small human to our household.

because i am obsessive and a crazee ladee i have researched, organized and all but gone out and bought one of those life-like dolls that simulate a real baby to prepare for this move in our lives. while it is a huge change i feel that we could not be more prepared emotionally, physically or financially. seeing my “godson”, sawyer, and interacting with him makes my uterus cry out “come on lady! you know you want one!”. and while i know that i will more than likely endure the morning sickness (because even now, weird smells make me gag uncontrollably) or the puffy feet and hands, i will embrace pregnancy for the miracle it is. besides, i’ve always felt my uterus to be nothing more than a styrofoam cup just waiting for a potato on toothpicks to hang around in.

several of my friends are pregnant at this very moment. i want that happiness. i want that psychotic neuroses (why yes, i do need one more, thank you) that comes with raising a child. i want to be a cool mom. one who wears converse and jeans that hug my curves instead of making my ass look like i took a dump several times. i want to see my child end up with my smile and kevin’s eyes. and maybe reese witherspoon’s nose. i want to teach my child how to walk, how to talk, how to clean out the air vents with a q-tip.

so there it is. we’re trying for a baby. it could take a month, it could take a year, but it will be worth the effort.

i am 10,592 days old today. go ahead and calculate that up. i’ll wait. what do you mean you don’t want to? you’ve never heard of a calculator? do you even have indoor plumbing?
fine, for you lazy asshats i am 29 years old today. 29 years ago my mom thrust me into this world via screaming and a cocktail of muscle relaxants and nerve blockers. 29 years later the screaming and mixing of narcotics has yet to cease. i kid! no seriously! my mom is a saint for which no comparison can be made (crosses fingers that i am not written out of the will).

for my birthday this year my wonderful, fantastic, super sexy husband got me something that will ensure that we don’t have sex in the near future:

The Dell Latitude D820 has had me curled up in its soft, 15.4 inch glow for the past week. it is a wonderful experience, having a laptop. listening to the hollow click-cleck-click of each tap of the keys is soothing. watching videos and buying obscure music online all in the comfort of my king sized, four poster Queen Anne bed. in the midst of passed out puppies and kitties i can blog more efficiently.

i can only hope that my 29th year will be as wonderful as my 28th.