living in birmingham has its advantages: minimal traffic, decent restaurants, beautiful scenery; however, the people who work in the public sector of this little city make me wonder how they manage not to scrape their knuckles every time they walk. this week i went to the downtown courthouse to renew my vehicle tag. when i arrive i am the sixth person in line and there are three tellers at the counter. i think to myself “awesome, i’ll get out of here and still have time to stop at milo’s to grab a gut-busting 64 ounce sweet tea”.

there i go being all optimistic.

thirty minutes goes by and only two people in the line have been seen. at one point one of the tellers gets up, and takes her ipod over to two chatting employees. it is now high noon and the line swells to 15 more people. the teller who got up has looked at the line a couple of times but continues to gossip. and then she does something that completely amazes me, though it really shouldn’t have: she grabs her coat and goes on break! if i had a client in my office and just got up and went on break, my boss would string me up by my ears and then fire me.

several people see this and leave the line, but not me. i am determine to stay here and update my tag. i am a rock of resolve. i will stay in this line all afternoon if i have to! i am now the second person in line and i have been in this sweltering room for 45 minutes. my feet are starting to hurt from standing in a stationary position. the little old lady next to me is starting to sweat and takes out a hanky and wipes her forehead. i ask if she’s okay and she drawls “why yes deary, i’m just a little harried”. i wonder aloud “are they having to make the tags back there?”. the little old lady grins at me.

after another 15 minutes i finally make it to the front of the line and i hear “next!”. i let out a sigh of relief and the little old lady mumbles “about damn time”. i get up to the teller, renew my tag and hightail it out of there. elapsed time: one hour, 15 minutes.

now here is my question: at the busiest time of day why would you only have two tellers to handle a slew of customers? it makes no sense! where is their manager? it seems only rational that they would enforce a policy that during peak hours no less than three tellers be on the line. and the thing that really pisses me off is that while 20 people are standing there employees are coming and going through the door to god knows where. can’t they see that this is grossly inefficient? no, they turn a blind eye because it doesn’t involve them or it isn’t their job. these employees are so apathetic it is disturbing.

oh, and because i had spent my entire lunch break standing in line i didn’t get my sweet tea. bastards!

dear owner of safari cup,

congratulations, you’ve officially snagged the tile of utter douchebag. when i called this morning to politely inquire as to why flyers with YOUR COMPANY’S NAME were left on my tenant’s vehicles in a private parking deck you proceeded to yell at me for no reason whatsoever. first of all, asshat, you’re not winning any popularity contests or customers by yelling at someone who oversees a building in downtown with over 1500 potential customers. secondly, i was simply asking who i would speak to about said offense when you began screaming “don’t accuse me!”. last time i checked, inquiring is not accusing.

also, i’m not sure if you are aware but you are a small business owner in a part of the city where small businesses are lucky to stay open for longer than a year. alienating anyone regardless of who they are or what type of clientelle they can bring you is truly unwise. in fact, the last time i actually patronized your establishment during peak hours there was maybe three people in the facility and two of them were employees. so go ahead and have your haughty movie nights and overpriced store bought coffee, you’re presence is not doing anyone any favors. though i am a consumate advocate of the “little guy” i absolutely refuse to visit your place of business again. i would rather eat $12 nails at starbucks than ensure you made one red cent off of me.

again, congratulations on becoming a boil on the butt of this city. i think zimbabwe is missing their village idiot.

sincerely,
pretty helmet

first of all, let me state that my new niece’s name is kendall ellison, not kendall emerson. when you have a ton of fluid in your ears and are high on crazy cough syrup you tend to hear things that are not quite so.

i called my brother-in-law today to check in on kelly and kendall and found out that kendall had a bit of trouble last night. she had a pneumothorax which caused one of her lungs to collapse. while this is extremely common in premature babies it is very serious. a needle had to be inserted into her lung to re-inflate her lung and is now on on a breathing tube. on the upside kendall has gained 3 ounces bringing her to a nice 3 pounds. the doctors will keep kendall in the nicu until her original due date which could be another month.

thanks to all who have given your thoughts and love towards kevin’s sister and her family. they are truly exceptional parents and deserve nothing but wonderful things with this little girl.

i’m thinking of renaming this site Pretty Illness, because let’s face it people, i’m sick a lot. and it is not that i want to be, or that i am a hypochondriac, just that i am more susceptible to obtaining every malady within a four mile radius. right now in the “flu season” every single one of my friends and family has been hit hard with something and frankly i thought i had escaped it. see what i get for thinking?!

it all started on sunday with a sore throat. i thought that it was from the smoky atmosphere at speakeasy friday night, but when i woke up on monday morning with chills and phlegmy cough i knew i was in for a bad haul. around lunchtime on monday i was sweating profusely and was overcome with aching muscles. my sweet boss let me go home for the rest of the day to rest up. monday night was much worse. i had fitful sleep, and could not get comfortable no matter what position my body rolled in to. my core body temperature fluctuated between ten hells and two dammits to jesus h. christ please find me more blankets, it is a frozen tundra in here! the base of my neck and shoulders were so tense i felt knots in my skin. somewhere around 3:30 a.m. i managed to get into a hot bath to relieve the pain.

i went to the doc-in-a-box today for the fear that this was the flu. if it was i needed to inform my co-workers to get some preventative care. though the waiting room was packed and the receptionist had the compassion of a gilla monster i was in and out in 2 hours. the doctor and the nurses were especially kind even though they were all very tired. they were running on a skeleton crew as most of their staff were also out sick.

after putting a long stick up my nose and taking blood work the results came back to reveal mycoplasmosis a.k.a. walking pneumonia. i was sent home with antibiotics, some heavy duty cough syrup, and big ole steroid shot in my booty. i’m running on fumes right now, but actually feel a little better (even though the chills have not subsided). kev is taking good care of me and has intrusted my day care to cooper (sans nurse hat).

side note: my sister-in-law, kelly, delivered my new niece kendall ellison on monday via cesarean. i was not able to see either one of them due to my illness but kev told me that though she is 10 weeks early and only 2 pounds 14 ounces she is doing quite well. kelly will be in the hospital for a few more days and kendall will be in for several more weeks. this little girl has been long awaited and is quite a blessing. i can’t wait to see her.

alright you guys, i’ve actually done something with the one (yes, the only one) photo that i think is worth a crap. i’ve submitted it to jpg magazine for their 15th issue. if you love me at all (or don’t but think the photo is pretty) please please please click on the link below and vote for me.