i am 30 minutes from a possible meltdown. no hair will be spared. all hairs will be hurt in this production.

oh how i have strayed from the flock. and if i believed in hell i would probably be going there at the end of my long non-believer life just for posting what you see below. i’m sorry, though, truer words were never spoken.

the line to pelt me with Bibles forms to the left.

have you seen the target commercial with milla jovovich and that blonde designer lady? am i the only one who doesn’t understand how clothes can be “ironic”. are they clothes that you don’t wear or something?

::forehead slap::

i have felt better these past eight days than i have in a long time. i don’t know if it is the gorgeous weather, the fact that i haven’t been face down in the toilet, or that for the first time i have some sort of answer to what has been going on with my body. because, you know, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! and while i still have no definitive answer, just knowing that this is not all in my head is good enough for me. i’ve been through so much this year and have been beat down and am ready to know something other than my bedroom and the doc-in-a-box. i’m ready to start the family that we have so desperately wanted. i have two options: chew bubblegum or kick ass.

and i’m fresh out of bubblegum.

i’m already tired of 2008. after the miscarriage over the christmas holidays i was positive that 2008 was going to be nothing but a whole ton of awesome. i mean, surely life wouldn’t kick me in throat in the new year. certainly i was going to coast through the next couple of months while we waited until we could start trying for a baby again. oh silly girl.

this past week has been a lesson in patience. i’ve been down all week with a stomach virus that put me in the emergency room on thursday morning. i apparently passed out from dehydration and hit my head on the floor. they did a CT scan and though there was no concussion they did find an abnormality. they confirmed with a neurologist that i have what is called cerebellar tonsillar ectopia. go look it up if you’re interested, but basically it explains every problem i’ve had for a while. chronic headaches radiating from my back of my head, tension in my neck, fatigue, et al. they doctors at the ER referred me to a neurologist to confirm the diagnosis and to decide a course of action. i’m trying to stay optimistic. if it was life threatening then they would have admitted me, right? right.

so there you have it. i’m worn out. i am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

update
i forgot to add that this song is one of the things keeping me in a good mood and not putting me in a murderous rampage right now. good time to roll on.

Kings of Leon - King of the Rodeo

i’ve been super lazy this week. details to come as to why when i get off my ass and actually find the motivation to write about it. and no, for the hundredth time i am not pregnant. in the meantime here are photos of my brand new and very tiny niece, kendall. she’s doing great but will stay in the NICU for an undetermined length of time.
click on photos for super enbiggened size!

her teeny hands kill me. and boy, does she love to use them. she’s constantly trying to pull out her feeding tube, which i really don’t blame her. i get whiny if i have to put anything up my nose. you know, other than my finger.

teeny hands are nothing compared to teeny feet.

oh dear god, if you haven’t passed out from the cuteness by this point you have no heart. in fact, you probably eat puppies for breakfast.

do you see the bangs? yep, they’re totally out of control. i think they’re planning on forming a coup d’etat of north korea.

mortal enemies? not when there is a sunbeam involved.