three days ago I received a letter in the mail to renew my domain subscription and I stood there just staring at the words “cancel” and “final notice” and “never more” and wondered where I should go from here. a month ago kev and I had a meaningful discussion about the future of Pretty Helmet. what it has accomplished for me as an outlet, my dwindling readership, my lack of motivation to sit and write every day, the highs and lows of having my face and my words out there floating around for people to take to heart or twist into something awful. I sometimes picture myself standing naked on a stage in front of an audience with bags over their faces. they can see me and point out my flaws, but I cannot see them and do the same.

with all these concerns churning in my overactive pregnant brain I made the decision that this has been therapeutic for me. as of today I have been one week and four days off of zoloft. the first time in six years I have not relied on medication to make me feel “normal”. I attribute this change to several factors: my aforementioned pregnancy, my devoted and loving husband, a handful of very patient friends and family, and Pretty Helmet.

there are some big things coming in the very near future, specifically the birth of The Manatee. I want to share this with you if you will let me. and I want you to share with me if you feel it necessary. we’ll be a big groping group of sharing.

then we’ll get liquored up, take advantage of each other and not call in the morning.