Hannie, my love:

you turned 3 months old this week and to celebrate you got an awesome case of diarrhea. i’m always saying that it’s not a party unless you’re crapping your pants, so way to go kiddo! i think of all the time you’ve been on this planet this was my favorite and most heartbreaking month. you see, the minute i decided i had enough of this stay-at-home mom business and go back to work you simultaneously turned into an actual baby. with a personality! that can do things! and with 59% less fussiness! alas i went ahead with my plan to return to work and place you in day care. this decision that was made before you were born and one that i had no idea would turn me into a sobbing mess.

day care has been a blessing and a curse. you apparently have so much to see and do during the day that naps are of no consequence. thus, when your father picks you up in the afternoon you can barely keep your eyes open. the good part about this is that you have done so much during the day that you sleep like a champ. the downside is that i feel i have no quality time with you. it sometimes feels like a mad dash to get you into bed before you turn into a monster that resembles an infant version of The Incredible Hulk. baby, SMASH! i know that as you get older we’ll probably look back at this and laugh, “remember when we’d fight her to stay awake? yeah, that was hilarious! now where is that baby Ambien?” having you in daycare also makes me feel like a better mother. i’m more patient with you. when it was just you and i at home i would watch the clock and bite my nails until 5 p.m. when your father came home. i then would toss you in his arms, grab a beer from the fridge and sit on the back porch in utter silence for ten minutes. don’t get me wrong, being with you is awesome, but after 10 straight hours of feeding, rocking, changing, doing, talking, singing, swinging, looking, moving i was becoming a lunatic. now i come home, meet you with open arms and try to not let go until it’s time to go to bed.

you are quickly meeting many of your milestones. some are considered “advanced” for your age. you are blowing bubbles, holding your head up, bringing your hands together, and visually track moving objects. my favorite milestones though are your laugh and your ability to imitate sounds. when you start to become tired you make this noise that sounds like “diggle diggle diggle”. the first time you did it i laughed so hard i cried. this made you incredibly happy. now, i can say “diggle diggle diggle” and you will copy me. i will laugh and you will smile and i just want to smoosh you together and eat you up.

this month you will have tubes placed in your ears to drain the excess fluid that has been hindering your hearing tests since birth. this surgery is a source of great excitement and extreme anxiety for us. you are still responding to loud noises and the occasional words and though in my heart i know you can hear, this will give us the solace that we did what it took for you to hear your Grampa sing “Danny Boy”.

puddin’ pop, you are truly a remarkable and awe-inspiring human being. i’m amazed that your father and i created something so beautiful. not that we’re ugly people, mind you.

love,
mama

hi there, you.

they did what?!

i’m showing you my muscle

this kid is so happy, she smiles in her sleep