remember the bone crushing exhaustion i spoke about in the last post? apparently it also causes you to forget that you once gave a shit about all the things you used to give a shit about. like blogging! and posting photos! and doing stuff other than lying in bed pretending you are the first person ever to be pregnant. because my brain has taken on the consistency of my recent craving (Campbell’s bean with bacon soup) i’ll distract you with shiny things! or just some crummy photos.

look! a bump! or it could be all of the aforementioned soup i’ve been consuming. 15 weeks, suckas!

and because i’m in a giving mood, here is another belly shot. stay tuned to next week when i showcase the enormity that are my boobs.

brock had some nasty, smelly tumors removed from his ear about a month ago. apparently they could do nothing about the other 15 pounds of him.

these are kev’s evil dead figurines that stand sentinel on his desk. i assume to give him inspiration when he’s doing our monthly household budget.

this picture is really for my dad, the biggest Alabama University fan i know. roll tide, daddy!

this weekend was city stages’ 20th anniversary and while the line-up was quite impressive i quickly realized why i do not go every year. hot, sticky frat boys. and not hot as in “hawt”, rather hot as in “would you please get the hell off me, you’re ax body spray deodorant stopped working nine hours ago”. (more…)

three things i love to talk about: farts, pooping and my hair. not in that particular order.
i was tired of having the sweat of death on the back of my neck in this alabama summer. and if the two people who are not from alabama read this, yes it is hot here. hotter than me talking about my bowel movements at a bar. i am sex personified.

my “jesus christ on a stick it is hot out here!” hairdo is courtesy of lisa at orbit salon. hi lisa! she made my head feel twenty pounds lighter and a thousand times cuter. atleast the girl at the stop-n-go said so.

and if by chance my hairdo isn’t your taste, here is a big, fat, squishy kitty. everyone loves thick pussy. now pull your mind out of the gutter.

goodnight my angel face. i love you more than you know. you brought nothing but happiness to our lives. watching you chase down squirrels in the yard, barking at the thunderstorms. hugging us by standing on the bed and bowing your head on our chests. trying to eat cooper and keep her out of trouble. you were not a dog, you were our daughter. (more…)

i’ve been super lazy this week. details to come as to why when i get off my ass and actually find the motivation to write about it. and no, for the hundredth time i am not pregnant. in the meantime here are photos of my brand new and very tiny niece, kendall. she’s doing great but will stay in the NICU for an undetermined length of time.
click on photos for super enbiggened size!

her teeny hands kill me. and boy, does she love to use them. she’s constantly trying to pull out her feeding tube, which i really don’t blame her. i get whiny if i have to put anything up my nose. you know, other than my finger.

teeny hands are nothing compared to teeny feet.

oh dear god, if you haven’t passed out from the cuteness by this point you have no heart. in fact, you probably eat puppies for breakfast.

do you see the bangs? yep, they’re totally out of control. i think they’re planning on forming a coup d’etat of north korea.

mortal enemies? not when there is a sunbeam involved.

so yeah, it snowed. and the way the news stations were making it out we would all expect to die an icy death. 3/4″ of an inch does not a “blizzard” make. it does make some pretty photos though:

greyhound footprints down the back steps of our house

two tiny icicles

and for some obligatory animal photos:

jack loves to clean brock’s ears

sadly, brock doesn’t love the grooming.

i can’t blame jack though. sometimes i just want to shove brock’s entire head in my mouth.

i threw my back out on thursday by putting a 20 gazillion pound box on a shelf. rule of thumb: lift with the legs. and because i’m high on tylenol and ben-gay vapors here are some photos to make you smile. a dopey, drug-induced smile.

my very sweet mother-in-law gave me this lovely autumn wreath. i love it, except when it smacks me in the face when i open the door.

can you tell i like red? the picture frames are made of heavy iron.

my friend rita gave me this monkey thing. i think it is supposed to be a soap dish but i think it is an ode to butt secks.

cooper and kev cuddle on the couch on sunday morning. gawd, i love these two.

this dog never fails to amaze me. she goes through 300 different emotions in the span of an hour. it’s like living with a less hairy version of nancy grace.

coopers gets scritches from daddy. i adore the look on her face.

at the suggestion of a couple of my more photographically inclined pals i bought a mountable flash for GEORGE, my nikon d50. it was on sale and i was desperate to have a photo come out looking like i hadn’t taken a pee into the lens of my camera. i used it for the first time at darcy’s 6th annual halloween gala and was amazed at its abilities. tonight was hose-the-stench-off-the-animals night and therefore the perfect opportunity to annoy the shit out of my pets by flashing a very bright light in their face. witness:

lira looks for an escape from the evil porcelain water torture device. also known as the bathtub.

oh the humanity! behold, the dirt!

her royal bitchiness, grace. this is kevin’s cat and she is very elusive. you can usually find her in the closet smelling our shoes like some sort of feline retifist.

baron brock von squishee. a tad out of focus because the little asshat would move the second the shutter clicked.

cooper’s birthday was yesterday. we celebrated by tossing her in the tub and making her smell like apples and cinnamon. we’re sucky parents.

it has become a ritual in the prettyhelmet household to clean the house every sunday. there is nothing like starting a fun filled, work strained, please lord don’t let me claw my eyes out, week with a clean house. with as many pets as we have it’s really only sanitary to do so. there comes a point (usually on wednesdays) that the animal fur begins to clot on the floors and threaten to strangle us in our sleep. also, brock, our fat ass cat, seems to have an affinity for kicking as much litter on the floor that he can. sometimes i think he’s making litter castles. so, you can imagine between the hair, litter, general debris that comes into the house, that it is a necessity to clean. usually the first thing to be cleaned are the bed linens. we change the sheets and wash the coverlette once a week. this is simply because during seven days every one of the six animals will find their way onto the bed. it is not unusual to be squeezed into a very uncomfortable position because a terrier is between our heads, three cats are scattered end to end, and a greyhound somehow is nestled in there. but i wouldn’t have it any other way. i have no idea what we’ll do if we actually have a kid. maybe it could sleep on a doggie bed.

here are some photos for you to enjoy:

d-rock and d-money bring on teh sex

iz in ur bazkets doin ur laundrees

cooper: 15 minutes after a bath. lord, i love this dog

sparkly deer at bottletree

chandelier in the women’s room at bottletree

sunday was spent cleaning my house and crying. not because i was sad, but because i was frustrated with my current living situation with three dogs and three cats and their ability to shed more hair than they actually have. oh, and don’t forget the cats’ recent hatred of the litter box and their fascination with pissing in the dog toy box. we cleaned our house top to bottom. side to side. horizontally and laterally.

this has got to be my hands down favorite thing i’ve bought since moving into our house. it was purchased at southeastern salvage in irondale for the low low price of $98. stop reading and go over there. now!

my favorite room in the house. it is bright and cheery and full of stuff that jack insists on knocking over. click on the image for identification of various things that i love.

because i am a wannabe photographer i proudly display all of the cameras that i own. from left to right - my dad’s old minolta, my first SLR (a minolta also), my fujifilm digital, my lomo quad actionshot, and my lomo colorsplash

i used to collect all sorts of little toys. this one survived the five moves i’ve made in the last five years. my uncle gave him to me when he sold v-dubs in albuquerque.

meet steve. steve is from montego bay, jamaica. we brought him back from our honeymoon in hopes to smuggle heroin in his head. okay, not really. but i do like to think that he wards off evil from our house. or atleast the carpetbaggers.

james brown rubber duck. the coolest fucking thing ever! don’t deny it.

one of the reasons why i cried on sunday. don’t let the cute face and squishiness fool you. he’s 15 pounds of attitude.

another of my favorite house items. darcia la rosa bought this for us when we moved into our condo, but it goes perfectly with our new house.

with all the new dog loving and cat hating that goes on in our house, mollycate is often left out of photos. however, she is the best dog on the planet.

and let’s not forget my sweet cooper. she looks a bit harried (no pun intended) because she was up late the other night finishing off a bottle of jack.