remember the bone crushing exhaustion i spoke about in the last post? apparently it also causes you to forget that you once gave a shit about all the things you used to give a shit about. like blogging! and posting photos! and doing stuff other than lying in bed pretending you are the first person ever to be pregnant. because my brain has taken on the consistency of my recent craving (Campbell’s bean with bacon soup) i’ll distract you with shiny things! or just some crummy photos.

look! a bump! or it could be all of the aforementioned soup i’ve been consuming. 15 weeks, suckas!

and because i’m in a giving mood, here is another belly shot. stay tuned to next week when i showcase the enormity that are my boobs.

brock had some nasty, smelly tumors removed from his ear about a month ago. apparently they could do nothing about the other 15 pounds of him.

these are kev’s evil dead figurines that stand sentinel on his desk. i assume to give him inspiration when he’s doing our monthly household budget.

this picture is really for my dad, the biggest Alabama University fan i know. roll tide, daddy!

i was going to do an all white photo post, but it ended up being a dog photo session. i am lazy, here me yawn.

hai, i iz lira. i iz a nut.

our rose bush is in bloom. i wish the innernets was scratch & sniff.

more pretty smelling things in my yard.

hai! i see u haz doritos.

i brung backup in case u wudn’t give up dorito.

hai, i’m still heer. doritos not my foretay.

this weekend was off the chain as my mother would say. what? you’re mother doesn’t use ethnic slang? friday night kev and i went to see fresh ground comics, a stand-up comedy group from right here in birmingham. years of racism and blowing shit up will make anyone crazy enough to get up in front of a roomful of strangers and bitch about flavored lube. despite the hurricane force winds and flash flooding we ventured out to catch mike mccall and his merry band of emo rejects perform. i kid! all of the guys did really well.

5 minutes before showtime and mike still doesn’t have his shit together.

dmoney turned 32 saturday and threw herself one kick ass party. i can’t remember the last time i had a keg at a party. of course i don’t, i was probably curled up in a fetal position around it’s empty barrel. and no, it is not a coincidence that we’re all wearing irreverent t-shirts. only 2 of us are actual douchebags.

dmoney models the earrings i gave her for her birthday. it’s a free trade product so the 100 year old tibetan lady who fashioned them, while hunched over in a 4×4 sweatbox, was compensated handsomely with a goat.

if i was a meteorologist i would constantly send out cloud fart weather warnings.

that is juice in the cup. yummy, yummy hoppy juice.

at parties in the South we burn shit. in a cauldron. dancing naked under the full moon is not required until your third visit.

hot pr0n. need i say more?

rob in repose. that would make a great band name. a band that does falco covers.

all photos can be seen here. go there now! or i’ll turn you into a newt!

on a lighter and less “she’s a witch! burn her!” note, i offer you the following:

after the rains yesterday our backyard turned into a pond. i am now investing in doggy life jackets for the girls.

dmoney rocks out. although not with her cock out.

nothing is more fun than taking photos in a bathroom. be glad i didn’t take a photo of my bowel movement.

i’ve been super lazy this week. details to come as to why when i get off my ass and actually find the motivation to write about it. and no, for the hundredth time i am not pregnant. in the meantime here are photos of my brand new and very tiny niece, kendall. she’s doing great but will stay in the NICU for an undetermined length of time.
click on photos for super enbiggened size!

her teeny hands kill me. and boy, does she love to use them. she’s constantly trying to pull out her feeding tube, which i really don’t blame her. i get whiny if i have to put anything up my nose. you know, other than my finger.

teeny hands are nothing compared to teeny feet.

oh dear god, if you haven’t passed out from the cuteness by this point you have no heart. in fact, you probably eat puppies for breakfast.

do you see the bangs? yep, they’re totally out of control. i think they’re planning on forming a coup d’etat of north korea.

mortal enemies? not when there is a sunbeam involved.

alright you guys, i’ve actually done something with the one (yes, the only one) photo that i think is worth a crap. i’ve submitted it to jpg magazine for their 15th issue. if you love me at all (or don’t but think the photo is pretty) please please please click on the link below and vote for me.

i am trying to decide if uploading my photos to my ftp site load faster than those that are redirected from my flickr account. what do you guys think?

oh, and by the way. this is sven, our foot tall snowman from the recent BLIZZARDHOLYSHITEVERYONERUNFORTHEIRLIVES!

so yeah, it snowed. and the way the news stations were making it out we would all expect to die an icy death. 3/4″ of an inch does not a “blizzard” make. it does make some pretty photos though:

greyhound footprints down the back steps of our house

two tiny icicles

and for some obligatory animal photos:

jack loves to clean brock’s ears

sadly, brock doesn’t love the grooming.

i can’t blame jack though. sometimes i just want to shove brock’s entire head in my mouth.

i threw my back out on thursday by putting a 20 gazillion pound box on a shelf. rule of thumb: lift with the legs. and because i’m high on tylenol and ben-gay vapors here are some photos to make you smile. a dopey, drug-induced smile.

my very sweet mother-in-law gave me this lovely autumn wreath. i love it, except when it smacks me in the face when i open the door.

can you tell i like red? the picture frames are made of heavy iron.

my friend rita gave me this monkey thing. i think it is supposed to be a soap dish but i think it is an ode to butt secks.

cooper and kev cuddle on the couch on sunday morning. gawd, i love these two.

this dog never fails to amaze me. she goes through 300 different emotions in the span of an hour. it’s like living with a less hairy version of nancy grace.

coopers gets scritches from daddy. i adore the look on her face.

it has become a ritual in the prettyhelmet household to clean the house every sunday. there is nothing like starting a fun filled, work strained, please lord don’t let me claw my eyes out, week with a clean house. with as many pets as we have it’s really only sanitary to do so. there comes a point (usually on wednesdays) that the animal fur begins to clot on the floors and threaten to strangle us in our sleep. also, brock, our fat ass cat, seems to have an affinity for kicking as much litter on the floor that he can. sometimes i think he’s making litter castles. so, you can imagine between the hair, litter, general debris that comes into the house, that it is a necessity to clean. usually the first thing to be cleaned are the bed linens. we change the sheets and wash the coverlette once a week. this is simply because during seven days every one of the six animals will find their way onto the bed. it is not unusual to be squeezed into a very uncomfortable position because a terrier is between our heads, three cats are scattered end to end, and a greyhound somehow is nestled in there. but i wouldn’t have it any other way. i have no idea what we’ll do if we actually have a kid. maybe it could sleep on a doggie bed.

here are some photos for you to enjoy:

d-rock and d-money bring on teh sex

iz in ur bazkets doin ur laundrees

cooper: 15 minutes after a bath. lord, i love this dog

sparkly deer at bottletree

chandelier in the women’s room at bottletree