christmas has come and gone without much fanfare. while i did enjoy spending time with my families i did not enjoy the chardonnay hangover i endured most of sunday morning. though a few ibuprofen and two antihistamines helped me get over that slump fairly quick. my two most favorite moments of christmas this year was seeing my dad, a burly southern man, cry while his daughters and son-in-laws seranaded him with Danny Boy and having my mother-in-law let me “shop” in her garage. she has the most wonderful things that she hasn’t even touched. i managed to make out like a bandit with a pretty mirror for the mantle and a smith & hawken garden tool set. so yes, christmas was wonderful and we got to enjoy it in the comfort of our very own home.

and now there are only a few days left in 2006 and we will be ringing in the new year with a very festive party. because our very dear friends, kelly and jeremy will be busy packing up their house to move, we have decided to have a new years eve party here at our house. i emailed most of you with the invitation but if by some unforseen reason you didn’t get yours please let me know. except for rush, because he wouldn’t come anyway.

i hope you all are as fat and bloated on christmas trimmings as i am. lord knows i need to lose about twelve pounds of mash potatos just hovering around my midriff.

this is rather graphic and might offend anyone who has a penis, has never been to an ob/gyn or has never seen a vagina up close (i’m talking about you ben!).

yesterday was my favorite (read: totally not my favorite, but rather the most dreaded) day of the year. the day that i get to have some perfect stranger poking around my hoo-hah. because of the the god awful cramping i experience each month i was actually looking forward to this visit because it might a. bring a plethora of drugs my way, or b. find that i have a radioactiove scorpion attached to my ovary that likes to pinch and sting. after discussing my problem to the doctor she took me to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound.

after 5 minutes of having the technician probing me i sit up on my elbows to see her over the sheet and tell her:
“i really feel like a joystick. should i be making noises from space invaders?”

i was going to post about this weekend but when i pulled up wordpress to check my comments i found this sweet little blurb:

Emo fucking sux. Go cut yourself.

Don’t you have anyone to hug you?

this was posted to a blog i did back in august of last year. i giggled for a good five minutes after reading it. i have been called “emo” on a couple of different occassions, though more times than not i am making fun of my musical and fashion choices as they might be construed as “emo”. or atleast the technical definition of such. the thing about it is is that i dress to amuse myself. take the tshirts i wear for instance. the majority of them are bands i obsess about, friends’ movie promo shirts, or stuff i have ordered off of bustedtees.com or defunker.com. i have no idea if that is considered emo, but damn are they comfy. so if wearing the clothes i wear and listening to the music i listen to makes me “emo” then yay. however, i do not cry in my pillow everyday or cut myself. that is so 1997.

i am a lurker. that is, i visit many websites during the course of the day and most of them i do not comment on. this is annoying and quite hypocritical as i expect people to leave comments on the random, inane shit i post. i have come to the conclusion that the reason i lurk are a.) i think what you wrote was crap, b.) i have no idea what you are talking about c.) you bore me to tears and gracing you with my commenting presence would be an abomination. really, “c” is a very rare case and if you really do bore me to tears then i stop reading your blog.

another very annoying habit i have is reading blogs to get writing ideas for my own blog. in college i think this would be called “plagiarism”. i don’t really steal other’s ideas, i simply read their post and pull things out that interest me. it’s like a displaced stream of consciousness.

there. i feel cleaner now.

oh, and i poked a badger with a spoon.

heading out for nashvegas this evening and i couldn’t be happier. there i will see toad, some antique motorcycles, a plethora of alcohol, and some cool furniture. turner is going too and she is convinced that at some point i will eat a hot dog sandwich from an indian guy (dot not feather). i will have george, my trusty nikon D50 with me and will take many shots.

if you plan on staying in the ham and are anywhere in the downtown area please, please, for the love of god and all that is holy go visit GEORGE! at speakeasy. his bar is absotively, positlutely, smack your granny awesome. and it totally does not smell like the plaza does.

my new D50, which i have lovingly named george, is so incredibly awesome. i don’t even want to go to work because i’d rather drive around birmingham looking for interesting things to shoot.
brighthouse will be by today to install our cable modem so i can finally get around to changing that fucking masthead and possibly rework the dimensions on the page so i can add pictures over 400 pixels in width. i know, i know, very exciting stuff. maybe tonight i’ll actually get into that grey goose bottle that kevin got for his birthday. of course, i won’t let kevin have any. i’m greedy like that.
i will not be working the greyhound booth at do dah day this year for reasons beyond my control. i might, however be at do dah day. you’ll be able to recognize me by the CamelBack filled with bourbon and the menthol cigarette dangling out of my mouth. i might even wear my daisy dukes and #8 Dale Jr. wife beater.
yee haw!

say that five times fast

in my large demand yesterday for music i failed to mention a time line. yeah, i needed the music today. actually i needed it four months ago when i threw the original tape away but technically i needed the music today so that i could complete the mix and give it to my friend at lunch. so here is the full set list for streetlight, stratosphere:
jawbreaker - want
pavement - stereo
pavement - a shady lane
cornelius - smoke
pixies - head on
pixies - gouge away
smashing pumpkins - rhinoceros
unwound - unauthorized autobiography
fugazi - full disclosure
guided by voices - watch me jumpstart
starflyer 59 - i drive a lot
starflyer 59 - play the “c” chord
the beatles - something
joe christmas - scrabble girl
my bloody valentine - only shallow
my bloody valentine - when you sleep
the beatles - got to get you into my life
morphine - sharks
morphine - kerouac
jack kerouac, zoot sims and al cohn - the last hotel and some of dharma (could not find to download)
yo la tengo - sugarcube
jawbox - savory
jawbreaker - million (this was deleted due to limited space on the cd)
jets to brazil - sweet avenue (this was deleted due to limited space on the cd)

thanks to all who helped, especially jai who saved me like $4.95 in downloads.

alright guys and gals i am putting you on a mission. because i am a shitty friend and threw away a mixed tape that a very good friend gave to me back when we were younger i am trying to recreate said tape. and, because i am too ashamed to tell said friend of what i did i am reaching out to you wonderful people to bail me out. i need a copy of the following songs sent to me ASAP (listed by title, artist, and album):

1. want - jawbreaker - Unfun
2. the last hotel/some of dharma - jack kerouac, zoot sims and al cohn - The Jack Kerouac Collection
3. full disclosure - fugazi - The Argument
4. scrabble girl - joe christmas - North To The Future
5. something - the beatles
6. got to get you into my life - the beatles

if by the off chance that you guys actually have these tracks i will hug you and pet you and name you “george”.
actually, probably not. i’d rather just buy you a drink.

everyday i have to write what i do at work, how long it takes me and the status of the task i performed. because i hate this activity as it is a waste of perfectly good time where i could be blogging about my glorious hair, i bring you this gem:

now have pity on me and buy me a drink.