friday night i met up with my “little brother” john russell and his wife sarah to have many drinks. during the course of the evening i felt my alcohol level slowly drift somewhere between shitty and just plain mean. i think i said some things to a friend of mine that would have been construed as a reason to punch me in the mouth. also, in the same evening i ended up crying…why, i have no idea. it was probably something to do with the fact that i am a sad drunk.

the events of friday night led me to the conclusion that i just need to stop drinking. i am no good to anyone when i’ve been drinking. i sound like a complete idiot which is only slightly different than sounding like a total idiot when i’m sober. i am mean to people who i normally would be really nice to. when i asked a girl how old she was and she responded “23″ i vaguely remember telling her that she really needed to stop taking fashion cues from avril lavigne. wait, what? see. a perfect stranger and i was a complete bitch to her.

as much as i will miss getting completely shnockered and making an ass out of myself i won’t miss the raging headaches, the wanting to puke constantly, the weight gain that has settled around my midsection, not to mention the guilt that i might have done something completely out of character. so there you have it. pretty helmet will now begin sober programming.

this could turn out to be disastrous.

saturday night. speakeasy. 1920 3rd avenue north. one year anniversary. be there bitches.

several of us will be attending in our best wear. you should too. help george celebrate.

last thursday i set out to albuquerque, nm to visit my family. my nana lives there as do my mom’s five brothers and sisters. my mom and dad were there visiting as well. it had been atleast 2 1/2 years since i had seen my nana and probably 10 years or so since i had seen the rest of my family so you can imagine my excitement to get there. as usual, my first flight had a stop-over in dallas/ft. worth, the sweaty armpit of hell. granted i have never been outside of the airport complex in dallas/ft. worth so i am just basing my opinion of the city on how they run their air control tower. i’m fairly sure they have a bunch of retarded monkeys running the airport. as our plane to albuquerque taxied onto the runway we were informed by captain oblivion that we were 12th in line to depart and it would be moments before we were in the air. i should’ve called “shenanigans!” when i heard that announcement. two hours and a crying fit later we were airborn. note to self: american airlines can eat my ass. when the stewardess finally came around with the drinks and stale peanuts i quickly ordered a vodka straight. she took one look at my tear streaked face and gave me back my $5 payment. the fat man i was squeezed against gave me a tsk-tsk look and i wanted to shout “they don’t fucking serve valium! it’s the next best thing, asshat!”

once i arrived in albuquerque i all but ran over every idiot to get off that plane. the minute i arrived at the baggage claim i heard my name over the loudspeaker. i threw up my arms and said “WHAT NOW GOD?!”. apparently my luggage decided it would go to salt lake city. for what reason, i can only guess to become a polygamist and marry a whole slew of other luggage.

you would think that with all that happened just getting to albuquerque only bad things would happen for the rest of the trip. nope. i had a great time hanging out with my family. i finally got to meet my twin cousins, valerie and neecie. my other cousin, marshall, looks like i did at his age: long hair, all angsty, finding new ways to shock the shit out of his parents with odd music tastes. we went to Old Town and got some culture, we blew bubbles with the twins, i drank wine with my uncle and dad, talked about my Pa (grandfather) and how incredibly awesome he was, looked at old photos of my nana, talked about how my mom was not the perfect angel she claims to be. in fact, she was downright mean to her brothers and sisters. we reminisced about the poltergeist that took up residence in the house back in the 60’s and how it was quite conceivable that it was back and reaking havoc on my dad’s laptop. i tried to teach the twins how to say “ya’ll” but they were not having it. all in all it was the best time i have had in years. i miss them all terribly.

San Filipe de Neri Church in Old Town

inside the San Filpe de Neri Church

a tree in the back lot of San Filipe de Neri Church. the caretaker who showed this tree to me was really nice, but a little clingy. i didn’t know if he had the hots for my nana or if he just wanted a tip

my dad playing around with a death mask

my nana has a cherry tree and peach tree in her backyard.

neecie: in thought

valerie said she had an owwie on her nose, so my dad gave her a band-aid

gerbera daisy with bubble. damn, i’m good.

and what pretty helmet trip would be complete without humping tortoises?

my aunt, who looks obsurdely like my mom, and her twin daughters.

for the past four days i have been living it up in albuquerque, new mexico visiting my family. my nana (grandmother) lives here and my mom and her five brothers and sisters are all from here. while i am having a wonderful time i am terribly homesick. i have never been away from kevin and the pups this long and it is an odd feeling. a mixture of sadness that he’s not here, happiness to see my family, and a longing to be snuggled with my girls.

the trip here was horrendous and i promise to write more about it as well post some really awesome photos.

i come home tomorrow and again it will be a bittersweet departure. i will, however, say that i am ecstatic that i will not have to be subjected to my father’s pranks for quite awhile. waking up to three plastic roaches sitting on my pillow is a shitty way to start the day.

the weekend in review:

• played crystal caves. circa 1991. i am so old skool.
• amandapandapants is pregnant. mary dangerous d and i will be breaking into APP’s house and decorating the nursery with pandas. in pants.
• treated myself to a pedicure. got really high on the nail salon’s fumes. realized vietnamese people don’t know what “ventilation” means.
• received a 19″ flat screen computer monitor for mother’s day. suck it!
• gave copious amounts of belly rubs to four very demanding greyhounds.
• swallowed enough immodium to bind up a bull elephant.
• satisfied my husband. not by having sex with him, but by watching Ultimate Avengers II and X-Men III. it’s the little things.
• wished my mom a happy mother’s day. received ten minute lecture about why owning dogs does not make me a mother and i should really start working on grandkids.

review complete. we now return to our regularly scheduled program.

sunday was spent cleaning my house and crying. not because i was sad, but because i was frustrated with my current living situation with three dogs and three cats and their ability to shed more hair than they actually have. oh, and don’t forget the cats’ recent hatred of the litter box and their fascination with pissing in the dog toy box. we cleaned our house top to bottom. side to side. horizontally and laterally.

this has got to be my hands down favorite thing i’ve bought since moving into our house. it was purchased at southeastern salvage in irondale for the low low price of $98. stop reading and go over there. now!

my favorite room in the house. it is bright and cheery and full of stuff that jack insists on knocking over. click on the image for identification of various things that i love.

because i am a wannabe photographer i proudly display all of the cameras that i own. from left to right - my dad’s old minolta, my first SLR (a minolta also), my fujifilm digital, my lomo quad actionshot, and my lomo colorsplash

i used to collect all sorts of little toys. this one survived the five moves i’ve made in the last five years. my uncle gave him to me when he sold v-dubs in albuquerque.

meet steve. steve is from montego bay, jamaica. we brought him back from our honeymoon in hopes to smuggle heroin in his head. okay, not really. but i do like to think that he wards off evil from our house. or atleast the carpetbaggers.

james brown rubber duck. the coolest fucking thing ever! don’t deny it.

one of the reasons why i cried on sunday. don’t let the cute face and squishiness fool you. he’s 15 pounds of attitude.

another of my favorite house items. darcia la rosa bought this for us when we moved into our condo, but it goes perfectly with our new house.

with all the new dog loving and cat hating that goes on in our house, mollycate is often left out of photos. however, she is the best dog on the planet.

and let’s not forget my sweet cooper. she looks a bit harried (no pun intended) because she was up late the other night finishing off a bottle of jack.

they would probably tell you that i torture them by taking their photos and posting it to the innernets.
since lira’s tragic accident with the deck on monday it feels like she has taken ten steps back from the work we have been doing with her. until today. i came home from a greyhound meeting at the track and was absolutely exhausted. my allergies were kicking my ass so i took two benadryl and lied down. i asked kev to put lira on the bed with me (she still hasn’t learned to jump up on her own) and she nestled into his side of the bed.

yes, yes, i am adorable. now will you please stop taking pictures of me?!

lira and i took a nice two hour nap together which is completely unheard of in our house. she’s a loner, Dottie. A rebel. when i woke up it was time for dogs to go outside. once back in the house lira went back to sleep on her pillow and i fell back asleep as well. when i woke up the second time, i caught lira in what we greyhound owners call a classic “roach” position.

i have the cutest pink belly!

what?! you know you love me!

more photos tomorrow when i have actually cleaned the house.

so, yeah, i’ve got nothing today. i’m tired and overworked. the only thing that is keeping me awake at this point is a 64 ounce sweet tea from mcdonald’s and two excedrin. but it’s friday and that makes me happy. i’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend of absolutely nothing.

here is an awesome video from the band okkervil river, that my friend zach and his brother jesse turned me on to. the lyrics are a tad (read: very) dark, but the singer’s voice makes me rock out hard!

enjoy!

this past weekend i discovered the awesomeness that is HD television. if you had asked me what i thought about HD a week ago i probably would have spouted off some nonsense about how the electronics industry is just trying to drain every single penny out of society and why can’t they just be happy that i’ve bought five mystery science theatre 3000 box sets in the last month. if you asked me today what i thought about HD i would probably tell you that you can see the fur on a camel’s mouth sway in the breeze, and you can tell just how much pancake makeup that news anchor is wearing, oh and don’t forget that watching discovery channel’s planet earth makes you want to run out and adopt a flock of penguins. we sat in my aunt and uncle’s living room saturday morning watching the stunning lack of pixelation on their 42″ HD television. i didn’t want to get off the couch for i was afraid i might miss one beautiful linear resolution moment. like i need another reason to be a lazy asshat.

a conversation with a very drunk bouncer:

me: “someone has stolen my purse!”
bouncer: “do you have your ID?”
me: “no, it was in my purse”
bouncer: “so where is your ID?”
me: “could you be anymore worthless?”